Under The Influence
by Sydella
Summary: Have you ever wondered why CEDEF members are named after cooking ingredients? Alaude and alcohol are like oil and water-they just don't mix.


CEDEF has always been one of the Mafia's most elite organisations, and it's not hard to see why. All members work together efficiently, and the entire organisation is able to run smoothly because of several rules and regulations that keep everyone in line. However, there is one rule that newcomers and outsiders may find unusual. Namely, the practice of giving members aliases named after herbs and spices. The story behind this is equally unusual.

In days of old, when the monster known as the Mafia was still in its infancy, there lived a terrifying man named Alaude. He was, of course, the founder of CEDEF. He ran a tight ship and was well known for his cold, authoritative nature. His subordinates feared, but also greatly respected and trusted, him. Except, that is, when he got drunk.

An unspoken, unwritten rule in the organisation was that Alaude should never, _ever _be granted access to alcohol, even though he was their boss. It wasn't just the fact that he had low alcohol tolerance. He was also remarkably prone to erratic behaviour when under the influence. Take the infamous "Name day" incident, for example.

It had been a tiring day at work. Alaude finished his paperwork with an annoyed frown and, feeling thirsty, reached for a bottle of wine that someone from one of the Vongola's allied families had sent him. Alaude was aware of his limitations when it came to alcohol, but the sender of the gift had enclosed a note assuring him that the alcohol content in the wine was very low, and that even the most lightweight of drinkers could easily consume it. With a shrug, Alaude uncorked the bottle and downed the wine in one go.

All hell broke loose. Alaude stripped to his underwear, put on a flowing cape, and ran around CEDEF headquarters upending wastepaper baskets, throwing stationery out of windows and doing cartwheels in corridors. His subordinates could only watch in shock and dismay as he yelled incoherently at the top of his lungs, hugged his bewildered secretary and even more shockingly, painted the entire lobby _fluorescent pink_. This travesty went down in Mafia history as one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to the Vongola. But the worst was yet to come.

Alaude summoned his subordinates to his office. They promptly filed in and stared at him nervously, wondering what he was going to do next.

"I have an important announcement to make," Alaude said, hiccupping.

"Is it about next weekend's meeting with the Venetian traders?" his secretary inquired.

"Are our Russian associates finally making a move on that partnership deal?" a young man asked hopefully.

"Perhaps we will receive an early shipment of the cargo we ordered from France after all?" an older woman suggested eagerly.

"No, no, no!" Alaude wagged a finger at them. "Good guesses, but none of you are correct, my little suited soldiers."

They exchanged quizzical glances. "Then what is it?"

Alaude picked up a pen and twirled it like a conductor's baton. "I have decided-and my word is law in here, mind you-that I am going to rename all of you after _cooking ingredients_!"

He paused to let that sink in. The officers of CEDEF were more confused than ever, and fidgeted as they wondered how to respond. The same young man who had spoken earlier piped up. "Could you elaborate on that, sir?"

"Certainly." Alaude pointed at him. "You will all take on aliases derived from the names of various herbs and spices. For example, I hereby christen you…PAPRIKA!"

The newly named Paprika did his best to look flattered. "Thank you, sir," he replied, bowing. "I am in awe of your great naming abilities."

Alaude grinned madly. "As you should be. Good, Paprika. You know how to, shall we say, _acknowledge _greatness when you see it. That is why you are a member of CEDEF, the greatest Mafia organisation in the world." Alaude nodded vigorously, as if affirming his own words.

His secretary cleared her throat. "Um, sir? There are some documents you still haven't looked at-"

"Oh, don't worry," Alaude waved a hand dismissively. "There's still plenty of time, isn't there? The documents will sort themselves out. More importantly…" He pranced around his desk and picked up his office phone. "Sir Alexander Graham Bell recently invented this lovely thing for a reason. It's time to make some PRANK CALLS!"

Collectively, his subordinates groaned inwardly.

The next day, as he slowly recovered from a hangover, his harassed secretary dealt with phone calls from angry Mafiosi and shamefacedly informed the organization's record-keepers to make notes of the new naming policy. Upon hearing of his Cloud Guardian's drunken antics, Giotto choked on his morning coffee and claimed that he was having a mild cough, but everyone knew better.

In the thrilling conclusion to this tale, the fluorescent pink paint Alaude had inflicted on the CEDEF headquarters' lobby was never quite completely removed. Henceforth, visitors were told that CEDEF's esteemed founder had been very much in touch with his feminine side, which was why members of the organization were strongly associated with culinary arts and why the lobby of their headquarters was so damn _pretty_.


End file.
